From a Troubled Lady
Hello Sir
I need
your advice
.
At 8 years of age, my parents died and there was
no one to help pay my school fees, then out of the blues, a trader from my
village picked interest in me and decided to pay my school fees. He did that up
to my Secondary School. I had a wonderful result and wished to go to the
University. I told him that and he was very willing to sponsor me, but his
income from the trading was not enough to carry me through and so he decided to
take up a job as a Truck Driver.
He
assisted me with the basic things I needed to go to the University and I
eventually graduated with a 2nd Class Upper Degree.
In all
these years, he had not married and did not mention to me that he wanted to
marry me; however he was the one that dis-virgined me and had been having
regular sex with me whenever I am on holidays or break.
In the
University, I met and fell in love with a young handsome guy who even has never
asked me for sex for the 2 years we have dated so far.
After
graduation, I went on Youth Service, incidentally my boyfriend and I were
posted to the same State and we even found ourselves doing our Primary
Assignments in the same Establishment and so the bond between us grew stronger.
We became
kind of inseparable as we were always together, we would touch, fondle, even
kiss but he has never asked me for sex and I have never gone out of my way to initiate
it with him.
Right
now, I am in a big dilemma
A month
to passing out, my benefactor sent for me (he said the matter was that of life
and death and that I should come without any waste of time), so I had to take a
pass and traveled and what he told me struck me dumb and what was his call all
about -- He proposed MARRIAGE to me.
He wanted
an immediate answer, but I told him that I would think over it and get back to
him as soon as possible.
I need
you to know that this man is SHORT in height, very DARK in complexion and
speaks a smattering of ENGLISH Language - he is not educated and very raw and
crude in his ways.
And so I
went back to my State of Posting.
On the
day we passed out, my Corper Boy friend and I in the company of other Corpers
went "bottle showering" a euphemism for getting drunk, when we got
back to our Lodge, we were all kinda tipsy, my friend came into my room and one
thing led to the other and we had sex without protection. He was so gentle and
kind which even drove me to dropping one or two tears, he thought the tears
were because I felt pain during sex, no they were not because of that, they
were rather because he was a better lover than the man that I have known all
these years.
And, he
is quite handsome and young.
After
that night, we spent extra two days at base before we left the State and it was
like the animal in him was released and he always wanted to have sex at the
slightest chance no matter when.
On the
last night we spent together, He asked me to MARRY him.
So, Sir,
all my heart is with my young and handsome friend and if I have to marry anyone
at all, then it has to be him but how do I tell my benefactor that I cannot
marry Him?
Please help me
Dear, your happiness is not negotiable I'm not looking at this from the aspect of the age difference... But trust me you fell in love with the corper whilst you saw the other guy as your benefactor... You both have been sleeping together... Tell the corper the whole truth from his reaction you will know at the end of the day.... They both want you cos you are good. So don't lower your standards
ReplyDeleteThanks for your advice
DeleteShe's reading
Its a quite distressing situation but I will agree with the first comment. Your happiness is paramount. However, revealing the truth to the lover boy and how he reacts will determine ,your next step, because, it will give you a clue if he really loves and wants to keep you. And for your benefactor , I think you speak with him together with some reasonable close relatives or friends, hopefully he will be reasonable too and if financial returns can be made, no wahala ,because the money he invested in your education will be his strong point of argument and will attract sympathy but that doesn't mean its proper (just ignorant societal view). So take your time and sort things out because marriage is a life long decision and you don't want to regret every day of it.
ReplyDeleteMy opinion though.
Genius (UBee)
Thank you for your piece of advise
DeleteShe is reading
I agree with the second comment from @Genius (UBee).
ReplyDeleteMy dear, your happiness is non negotiable. You're currently between a dilemma of tryna satisfy someone cos of their kindness to you and tryna sacrifice your happiness (real love and marriage). If your young friend agrees to still be with you after you must have told him everything, fine.
If he doesn't, that's another emotional breakdown I guess. But that's life. Move on. Another "love" will surely show up in your life someday.
My mentality and makeup is such that nobody is so important that I can't live without if it costs me my mental, emotional and psychological well being.
Nne, approach wisely. You still have a long years ahead of you (imagine you to live 80 years in this world)
Thank you
DeleteShe appreciates
Wow! This is indeed, a matter of life and death. First, I would advice the lady to pray to God and ask for his help and direction before making the last decision. Second, I will advice her to know that her happiness in marriage is paramount and also, that it goes beyond financial capacity, age or aesthetics. Let her tell herself the first truth by relaxing and asking herself, what she really wants from life and from a man to whom she will be married to.
ReplyDeleteShe should then take pen and paper in her closet and write them down and then check which of the two men currently in her life has those qualities or capabilities. There is even a possibility that she might end up not getting married to either of them and no harm will befall her so long as it is in accordance to God's will and purpose for her life or destiny. Third, after she might have told herself the truth, let her summon courage and approach both the benefactor and corper individually and tell them the truth. Each of the men have interest in her but it is only she that can make the final say because it is her life. I also, thinks that she has more duty to convince her benefactor than the corper because of his sacrifices for her success academically. It is a difficult situation but I know she can overcome it. Let her make her choice but with a calm mind. May God help her.
Thanks on her behalf
DeleteFirstly,I must warn you to be very sure of this your young,handsome,good in bed,etc guy before you hastily make your final decision.I say this because ''All that glitters is not gold".These qualities are ,no doubt, good but neither portend love nor guarantee happiness.Furthermore,they are not as valuable as the practical love I have noticed from your benefactor-he saw the good in you when you were nobody,was kind to the point of making very huge sacrifices without which you wouldn't have been able to meet this your young suitor and without which you wouldn't have been able to notice the difference between good and bad English you now point out in your benefactor.Learn from the story of the foolish dog that let go of the piece of bone in his mouth when he saw the one in his reflection in the river!
ReplyDeleteIf at the end of the day you still choose your handsome friend,let your benefactor know via communication while I pray he has the heart to let go and move on.
So,its your call eventually but please look before you leap.
Thank you
DeleteShe is reading
My advice to her in addition to what others had contributed is to pray to God for direction due to the following reasons
ReplyDelete1. Most single men believe that once you indulge in sexual activities and they pays your bills/ sponsored you through education, you are his.He will come after you with all he has should you turn him down for your prince charming.
2. The institution of marriage is supposed to be entered with Joy, love, understanding, patients, companionship and most importantly God. Pray you don't make mistakes you live to regret.
Thank you for your kind advise
DeleteShe is reading
At this point in your life, you need wisdom from above for proper guidance on the path ahead.
ReplyDeleteEven if she wasn't told, she ought to have perceived that the elderly man's investment on her from her pupil years to NYSC wouldn't have been totally out of benevolence and charity.
Having found a new love now that you have "arrived" there's great need to consciously and prayerfully sort it out with your benefactor before plunging into marriage.
Remember It is that same man that you described as SHORT, dark and could barely speak good English that you have been sleeping with till now.
If this is not handled well,
His actions could be more lethal than you hitherto envisaged.
Go on bended knees and God will make every crooked path straight.
Remember there's no impossibility with Him
It is well with you
Thanks a lot for finding time to advise the Young Lady
DeleteShe is reading
This is another trend that will soon explode and attract more admirers and readers as it discusses about daily activities of life and its challenges. Well, I know it's going to be difficult for the benefactor to accept no from the lady, but the fact is this, marriage is a long journey of happiness and sorrow and shouldn't be something ww should manage. Please, let her follow her heart and marry the young man she is more comfortable with. She may decide to marry the man just to make him happy and end up having a miserable and unhappy marriage through out her life. Thank you for sharing this story.
ReplyDeleteEbuka
Deletethank you for taking time out of your very busy schedule to give a piece of advise to the Lady in question
I am sure she has read your submission
Wel
ReplyDeleteIt quiet a difficult decision
I gree with most coment of telling de coper best friend
But i guss the problem is how to tell de benefactor
Wel te
She should tell de benefactor in a clear appropriate way dat she doesn't love him; Let him figure dat out by himself wat dat entials(marring some one dat doesn't like him.
Wen she communicate dat fact dat she doesn't love her , de man will start de process of wowing her again ;den she can start running from de wowing and she should equally futrait he at of wowing
NB going straight to tell someone dat hv been of help to her dat she will not marry him might cause harm to any of them(physical harm)
My thoughts dou
Thanks for your help
DeleteShe is reading all the suggestions
It's a hard decision to make and there is a danger in it. In today's world, people don't give without asking for something back !
ReplyDeleteShe should follow her heart and then pray fervently.
Thanks a lot for chipping in your own words of wisdom
DeleteShe will take that into consideration
Wow this is very interesting. For me it is difficult to give one straight jacket advice after reading the story carefully and attentively.
ReplyDeleteFirst of all, there's no suggestion in the story that says your benefactor took advantage of you by taking your virginity. And there's no mention of your refusal for the continued sex with him. Meaning everybody knows you're his woman, like in typical village settings.
Two things are involved now, is either you're now ashamed that he is educated like the young man you met, or you now realize he's old, ugly and short, infact you just discovered the young man is a better sex machine. Truth be told, the old village truck driver was perfect until you met this so called young handsome dude.
I don't want to say you need to go and pray because you have never involved God in either of the love story. Infact after having sex with the young handsome man out of mistake the first time because both of you were tipsy but what about the rounds of sex you had after the mistake when you decided to stay for additional two days.
Young lady let me ask you, what if you meet another man who's more handsome, richer and more intimate man, who's a better sex or love maker while you're looking for a good job as a Second class upper graduate. What will be your fate?
Please don't forget there's always a better person in particular thing that you may likely meet in life.
The young man may lose nothing even if you don't marry him, but the old village truck driver you are now comparing with young man may lose everything including his life if you refuse his marriage proposal.
You've tasted the two, only you can advise yourself to take the right decision. Selah
God help you
This is really a loaded message for the discerning mind
DeleteWell I do hope she will make the most of these pieces of golden advise given here